Try sleeping with a broken heart.

Nobody say it was easy, 

nobody say it would be this hard. 

It's such a shame for us to part. 

The day I will finally understand, is the day I stop trying to figure out everything. 

Another day thinking about you. 

Another day wondering, when will I stop. 

Another day wishing, I could.  

You move on, people move on. 

It's that thought that hurts what you realise you're still stuck here everyday. 

Every night, I always find a way to make it without you. 

By holding on to the times we had. 

By reminding myself, it's really goodbye. 

Try sleeping with a broken heart. 

Lingering on.

As usual I was awake.

Holding to that hope every night. 

Your text and that call you made to me that night, meant a lot to me even if you told me you can't remember anything that day. 

Believe it or not, when I saw that text I knew. 

When I got your call, I knew you won't remember what I said or even what you said then. 

Though I remembered everything. 

Though I meant what I said. 

Well .. Not that your words then will bring us anywhere, but it really meant something to me. 

Becauss it's things, I haven't heard for a very long time. 

Words I never knew, still affect me that much. 

Words, you don't remember anymore. 

It's kinda unfair. 

For you to call out of the blue and to say those words.  

But the next morning, you forget about them. 

And that left me, the only one to know, with words that linger. 

For you to start talking to me and then the next day, you stop. 

Yes, I think about you everyday. 

It took me hard enough to resist my temptation to contact you, to ever disturb what we built over these few months. 

But there's just some of the days when I just can't get by myself. 

Though once the conversation ends I regretted even starting one. 

Because it only makes me miss you more. 

How life's gonna be if we're still together, I wonder about it everyday. 

Love, the most brutal thing in the world.

In life, you just don't always get what you want. 

I love you. 
We used to always use that 3 words. 
Used to always reassure each other that, we are more than what we ever wanted. 
More than you have wanted anything else in your life to become a part of you. 

After so long, so long of being apart. 
To not regret, I kept holding on to that fact that as long as you're still here, even if we're apart, everything's gonna be okay, I will feel better. 
To believe, as long as you're still here, there will still be that hope that you will come back 
In my mind I keep loving you or wish you could keep loving. 

But i can’t keep you here anymore. I tried. I failed. 
Perhaps I'm the one who should be accepting that it won't work anymore. Everyday having to lie to myself thinking if you're still here, somehow, it's gonna work but till now I realise, I'm the one holding you back. 

No matter how hard you want things to work, things sometimes simply won’t work.
You always say to go find someone that is better than you. 
You always say that. 

I miss you, I miss us. 
Remember those times back at home when you always waited for me outside the door while I shower? 
That anticipation that you did. To know you did. 
At times whereby you always hug me close, times whereby you made me feel safe.  
We were once happy you know. 

What become of us now? 

As time goes by, we will constantly be reminded of all this memories, which will comstantly hunt us, till as long as we take to forget each other. 

But will we ever forget? 

Hate.

I wanna move on. 
I really do. 
I wanna have someone in my life. 
I really do. 
I tried my best. 
I really do. 

But sometimes people got to know, even when you try, you don't always get what you want. 
That's when you have to move on. 
To never look back. 

So just give me a reason, stop coming back. 
All you did, all the hopes you gave me, I rather not have it. 
I rather you be ruthless to me for once, maybe let me hate you. 
Because all this feelings you're causing me to feel, I hate it. 
I hate you. 

All I can do.

I think of you everyday. 
As time goes by, the more I realise perhaps, we are just not meant to be. 
But I guess being like that, being apart 
Is the best thing for the both of us. 
I still cared, I'm still right here and I don't deny the fact that I still miss you. 
But that's all I can do. 

Right now, you're just that one piece of memory that will always be within me. 
And all I need to know now, to go by each day to know you're alright. 
That's it. 

You're moving on so good, without me  
Yet I still care, and it hurts. 

For this past few months.

For this past few months, I have been good without you. 
I don't wanna hope, I don't wanna think. 

To whatever it is, just hope you are okay. 

You never did.

Just when you started to believe there's actually still hope. 

So you started to let your guards down, to believe.  

In the end you realise, you break down your wall allowing yourself to be hurt again. 

But this time, apart from the hurt, you stop anticipating. 

And as time goes by, I couldn't deny the fact that, 

you never did want me back. 

Dedicated to you.

Happy 4th Anniversary. 

Hopes and wishes. 
They hurts when you anticipated, but all you get was disappointments. 
It's been 4 years, and I'm still right here. 
Waiting, hoping, wishing. 
But over this 4 years, I learnt that it's okay to be disappointed, rather than to regret. 
So I'm gonna dedicate this post to you, of you ever have the chance to see it. 

Hey, 
We spent half of this year apart. 
Things around us changed, we changed. 
But you know, no matter how hard I tried, I always failed to distract myself from flashback of you. Memories that once were always the first thing I thought about when I woke up.
I always wonder, though things certainly doesn't feel the same anymore, does that conclude that I really move on? 
Because I used to tell myself, things ain't gonna be okay if we ain't together anymore. 
It won't hurt, you won't feel.
But that's isn't true! 
Even if you don't hurt or even if you don't feel that much anymore, it's never that easy to just walk away, when you still feel so much, to care so much for that one person. 
You will still go by everyday thinking why things ended up this way. 
Waiting for that one person, to come back. 
But they never did. 
So no matter how things will go from today onwards, I just wanna thank you. 
Thank you for everything, for those memories that I will never forget. 
For giving me those feelings.. 
For loving me. 

I wish I could be better, to be a bigger person, having a bigger heart to accept everything. 
If there's a chance to go back, or even, if there's a chance we ever get the chance to be together again, I wanna be that bigger person, to accept who you are and to make you happy. I will try ever harder to make this work. 
To make us happy again. 

I love you baby. 
Happy 4th anniversary to you. 

Remember those times.

Remembered those times? 
Where you will always be here, and we will always be talking. 
Those times whereby you will always laugh at me whenever I misspell a word. 
Staring at me while I eat. 
Waiting for me outside the toilet while I took my time. 
Know everytime when I know you're out there waiting for me, I was so happy. 
So happy to have you. 
Those times when you tell me how much you miss me. 
How much you laugh me. 
And how you will always embrace me, to keep me warm. 
These are things, that you will never forget. 
Not now, or even, not for a very long time. 

But baby I can't do this anymore. 
Because all I have right now, is shadow of all this memories. 
Memories that won't happen again. 
Memories that I can't seems to let go. 
I blame myself always, for not being that bigger person for accepting who you are then. 
I tried, I really tried. 
But I'm sure, you will be happy. 

Just one more day baby. 

For a very long time.

You know, you have been gone for a pretty long time.
I can't even remember, when's the last time I ever saw you
But the difference between the then and now, is the decrease of the number of times you ever cross my mind, even if that means I never did stop thinking about you.
You have no idea.

2 more days baby.

The person I've become.

Remembered those times when we are together. 
I realised I don't like who I will become when I'm with you. 
I love you, but I don't like you. 
We just ain't happy with each other, be it the things you like and the things we do. 
Perhaps it's just me but I know too, you ain't happy. 
That's why sometimes I really wonder, how we ever lasted that long. 
Tolerant? Patience? Or just ignorance? 

Towards the end of 4 years. 
4 more days. 

No matter how hard you tried.

If i wanted to go, i would have be gone by now.

If i wanted to leave, i would have left by now.

But there's just some things, whereby you just can't walk away from,

No matter how hard you try to forget.

Still right here.

Every time I came by their video, it never fail to always make me understand. 
Must have sounds stupid if you ever came by here and realise their videos never fail to let me tears.
You know why? 
Because I actually understand how come you like them so much. 

I'm sure you should be somewhere out there, feeling so much better than me. 
Whenever I stop making myself distracted , I thought of you 
The more I force myself not to, it keeps coming back. 

You left. 
But that's not the worse thing. 
The worse thing is, I'm actually still right here. 

Change.

Just when everybody tell you you changed. 
But all you could feel was you never did. 
Looks are deceiving, and you haven't been so sure in your life that you never did move on. 
Maybe just a little, but it's not enough for you to forget. 
It's been 2 days. 
No matter where you are, I'm sure, you must be feeling so much better than me. 

People change, but that doesn't mean they move on. 

Back to square one.

You left just like that. 
And the worse thing is, I'm still right here. 
Somedays you just thought being distracted was the best way 
But what comes after that is those harsh reality that you never did. 
And you never will. 

Waiting.

Perhaps one day I won't feel like that anymore. 
When that day ever comes, please don't regret. 
Because it's too late. 

To that one person out there.

Just when you start giving all of yourself to that one person. 
And then he left. 
So what's left then? 
Hundred memories following you around, having to be reminded all the time no matter what you do. 
Wondering, when.  When can you finally move on.