The last day of being 18.

Being 18. 

It was a year of heartbreaks and new beginnings. 

An age whereby people change. 

What I wished for back when I was about to blow on the candles of my 18th birthday cake.,

"To be happy" 

Things certainly changed a lot this year. 

Especially us. 

For the past few years, you were still here. 

But who knows back then when I wished for you to always be here, you wouldn't be? 

Who knows I finally chose to give up even when I told myself ample of times that we will work somehow? 

Those promises made back then, gone just a second. 

That closure that we both need, still uncertain. 

But comparing this times with all the times in the past when we chose not to talk, this time it feels so final, as though it's really our last goodbye. 

No hope left, no turning back. 

I don't know whether it's for the best, I just hope that the decision that I make this time, is for the best. 

We both have our flaws, and don't think I'm not hurting everyday. 

Because it hurts to be still in love with the one that you give up in, to be reminded of you everyday, to still miss you every single minute. 

The worse thing is to have those random moments floating by your head all of the sudden, reminding you of those wonderful memories that is impossible to be forgotten, even forever. 

Even if it hurts, people move on. 

They say it will get easier, but I don't see myself getting anywhere. 

Perhaps I feel better, not having to be worried about things, not having to feel anything about you, not having to care. 

But there's always this part or me that can't stop thinking about you. 

Wondering why ain't you on your social network, wondering where you are, wondering will I get to see you, wondering whether you are thinking about me like I'm thinking about you. 

You have no idea how much it still hurts. 

I can only shamelessly admit that even though I'm the one that chose to give up on you, I still want you back and there will always be this part of me that wish that, you are still gonna fight for us, fight for me. 

In the past, we fight because we know after that everything will be okay. 

Perhaps, not this time. 

Got no idea how long I'm gonna stay like this, how long it takes to move on but I hope this time when I blow out the candle for my 19th birthday cake, it will be a new start, maybe a new start without you. 

And I will still wish for the same thing,

"To be happy"

To my 18 years old self, thank you. 

Thank you for being in love. 

Thank you for still being here.