Please.

Don't make me expect. 
Don't lead me on. 
Don't leave me hanging and stop hurting me. 

During that night when I pick up your call, I should have known it will come down to this. 
I don't even know what are we, or what am I doing. 
I just let it go, as though this one month of dwelling, wondering, hurting didn't happen. 
How I even promised myself that I'm never gonna put myself in this situation anymore. That this is the last time I'm going back to you. 
I wonder how you do it. 
It's like one piece of my heart is ripe out, and it will forever be a part of me that stays with you, that I can never take it back nor to just forget about it. 
Because I really tried moving on. To try my very best to stop thinking about you. 
I can't take another heartbreak, I don't even dare to imagine how life's gonna be like if we're back together. The constant fighting, the constant tears, anger and jealousy I have to swallow every single day. The loneliness I have to feel, even when we are together. 
I told you it hurts. But do you even care just a little bit? 
Bevause I have no idea why you still want me back when you know everything's gonna be the same, that nothing's gonna change. 
Don't get why you even wanna tell me about that new girl that you like.. To make me jealous? To prove that I still care or are you seriously just confused?  Think about it from my prospective, if I'm the one telling you about the new boy that I like, even if it's just a crush, how would that make you feel? 
If you don't bother, if you still don't care, tell me, because I can't take this another time. 
I will always be a person with flaws. I will always be someone who can't accept that part of you even when I should. Because I will never understand. So think about it, because things ain't that simpler, that you made a phone call and tell me how much you miss me, everything will be alright because it's not gonna be. 

How I wish you could look at me at how you look at them. 
How I wish you could say those words to me instead of telling some people who don't even know you said them. 
How I wish you care about me half as much as you cared about them. 
How I wish everyday, you tell me how pretty I smile and dress. 
How I wish I could be the one, that you look upon when you're sad or even when you're happy because I really really wanna be there for you. 
How I wish.. You love me as much as you love them. 

To say the truth, sometimes it just feels as though you know I will always be here. 
But I won't.