"No matter what you said, i just can't let anything go. Because i'm convinced that if i just run over the details a few more times, i'll finally uncover some new understanding of the situation or it will somehow change the outcome. Even every words you said or wrote, to there's always a deeper meaning behind it and ended up making every situation about x100 more difficult than it has to be. No matter how hard people tried to assure me, i'm always unconvinced."Remember then being awake past 3am has become less of a struggle and more of a habit.
"I used to have many nights where i can't sleep and all i could think about is you. When i have insomnia, i begin thinking too much. Times where you will just start to dive into memories that you normally wouldn't think about in the daytime. The feeling of loneliness is always the strongest at night because the memories eat at you. The hollowness just spread throughout when you realise you're the only one up hurting."When all these memories are just too much.
"The ache always sits with me. It's like i don't even have to be alone. The touch, the warmth, the smile, the laugh, it's all there. Even when you wake up, the memories just keep rushing in be it it's just a habit or a daily routine. Walking everywhere is like walking on hot stone. You will never know when the memories will just hit and you're just left clutching your hand with close eyes wishing it away because it's just too much to bear. Paranoia, another fear that seems to follow me everywhere i go. Though sometimes i wish, it's true. You never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memoryIt hurts when something good ends, but it hurts more if you cling to it, knowing that it's not there. People always say to stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it, but what to do when i'm constantly being stuck with the hopes you unconsciously gave me?
I hated you for it.
And I wish you just stop.
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