Love drunk.

"I'm here believing a lie and it's slowly killing me. 

All I'm left with are memories that hunts me every night,

just because I chose to stay while you forget."

We leave pieces of ourselves in everything we used to love.

Remember all those times where all i do is over think?

"No matter what you said, i just can't let anything go. Because i'm convinced that if i just run over the details a few more times, i'll finally uncover some new understanding of the situation or it will somehow change the outcome. Even every words you said or wrote, to there's always a deeper meaning behind it and ended up making every situation about x100 more difficult than it has to be. No matter how hard people tried to assure me, i'm always unconvinced."

Remember then being awake past 3am has become less of a struggle and more of a habit.

"I used to have many nights where i can't sleep and all i could think about is you. When i have insomnia, i begin thinking too much. Times where you will just start to dive into memories that you normally wouldn't think about in the daytime. The feeling of loneliness is always the strongest at night because the memories eat at you. The hollowness just spread throughout when you realise you're the only one up hurting."

 When all these memories are just too much.

"The ache always sits with me. It's like i don't even have to be alone. The touch, the warmth, the smile, the laugh, it's all there. Even when you wake up, the memories just keep rushing in be it it's just a habit or a daily routine. Walking everywhere is like walking on hot stone. You will never know when the memories will just hit and you're just left clutching your hand with close eyes wishing it away because it's just too much to bear. Paranoia, another fear that seems to follow me everywhere i go. Though sometimes i wish, it's true. You never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory

It hurts when something good ends, but it hurts more if you cling to it, knowing that it's not there. People always say to stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it, but what to do when i'm constantly being stuck with the hopes you unconsciously gave me?

I hated you for it. 
And I wish you just stop. 

I was quiet, but I wasn't blind.

Know those days where you just want to voice out what you're thinking because everything's just too much? 

Yup. Today's one of the day. 

Over the years, from the age of oblivion to the age of prudent, when you reached this stage of life and realise no matter how hard you try to be impassive towards feelings, 
nothing seems to work. 

Even when you realise you're left all along here, that those feelings will never be reciprocate. The part where you always have to remind yourself that it's not going to go back to how is it anymore. 
Know what's the worse thing having to wake up to every single day? 
It's being reminded of the things you want to forget. 

I was the type of person that held only things too tight.
Unable to realise my grip even when it no long felt right. 
And although it gave me blisters, and my finger will all ache, 
I always thought that holding on, was worth the pain it takes. 
In losing thing, I'd lose a part of me too. 
That slowly I'd become someone, my heart no longer knew. 
Someone i no longer regconise. 

You can try to change things back to how they were or try to create things to be the way you want them, but you'll never be truly happy because it'll never be anything like how things once were. 

But what to do when all you've left is hope? 
To wake up everyday feeling the same, 
When the déjà vu or memories are so bad you have to close your eyes and wish it all away. 

Perhaps. We never did start. 
And we never will. 

Don't put your happiness in other people's hands. 
They'll drop it.
They'll drop it every time.