I can't and I wish I won't.

I'm heading back to that route I took years ago. 
The only difference right now compared to back then, I thought I changed. 
But did I? Will I? Can I? 
Because the things that you did that I can't stand back then, I still need that big part of me to withstand those feelings that I don't wanna feel. 
To be that bigger person. 
You just don't know don't you?
You thought our only problem lies with them, but have you ever wonder, whether the way we act, or the way you act, is the main thing? 
That part of me that wanted to lash out like I always do.. I still can't stop it. 
And you have no idea how it's still driving me crazy. 
But I can't. I don't want to feel this way anymore. . 
No matter how hard it is, the only thing I can do right now is to stop being that person I used to be. 
Because then, you will know,  
No matter how hard you tried, things won't go back to how it used to be anymore.