Truth hurts more than the lie.

The truth hurts more than the lie. 

For you to see somebody else just like me, having to know I look just like anybody to you, makes me feel as though I'm just like any others. 

So why does it hurts when I knew? 

To even move pass it to believe your words 
I wish you never assured me how I'm still yours. 
I wish I can just walk away from all of this and pretend again that everything's okay, that you don't hurt me one bit or affect me that much anymore. 
One part of me hated you for even bothering. 
But no matter how hard I tried to hide it, I can't hide that feeling of relieve.
Relieve that broke my wall down bringing me back to square one. 
When I know so well, that I never wanna go back. 

I can't and I wish I won't.

I'm heading back to that route I took years ago. 
The only difference right now compared to back then, I thought I changed. 
But did I? Will I? Can I? 
Because the things that you did that I can't stand back then, I still need that big part of me to withstand those feelings that I don't wanna feel. 
To be that bigger person. 
You just don't know don't you?
You thought our only problem lies with them, but have you ever wonder, whether the way we act, or the way you act, is the main thing? 
That part of me that wanted to lash out like I always do.. I still can't stop it. 
And you have no idea how it's still driving me crazy. 
But I can't. I don't want to feel this way anymore. . 
No matter how hard it is, the only thing I can do right now is to stop being that person I used to be. 
Because then, you will know,  
No matter how hard you tried, things won't go back to how it used to be anymore. 

People never did change.

Back then when we are together, we have nothing in common. 
The things we like, the things we do, the way we act. 
We were just 2 different person. 
That's why when we're together, we quarrel all the time. 
But, the only thing that held us together, it's that mutual feelings we have for each other. 

Right now when we are apart. 
The things we like, the things we do, the way we act never changed. 
The only difference right now is that we ain't together anymore. 
And that mutual feeling we have for each other, I'm not sure it's even there anymore. 
Because people never change. 
It's always that part of people that we always have to accept. 
No matter how hard it is. 

You know sometimes I wonder, how easy it is for you. 
Because i can never do that. 
How I envy that heartless side of you. 
Perhaps if I own that part of you, I'm sure all of this will be so much easier. 

All I can do right now, is to promise, to never do that again.  

That big scar.

Just when you decided to put your heart and soul to that one person. 

When it ended, it broke your heart that left a big scar reminding you that, you will never be good enough for anybody no matter how hard you tried, no matter how much you give. 

How fragile everything is, how much more you will feel for that one person. 

Because you let your whole world revolve around him and you can never stop. 

To never stop caring. 

But when he start hurting you, that physical pain will never be as big as those feelings you feel, when he broke your heart. 

We used to fight, to that extend I was so angry with you, so angry with myself. 

But no matter how angry I am with you, I still care. 

Just like no matter how apart we are right now, I still care. 

Even if you moved on, I still care about you. 

I still want you to be okay. 

As times goes by, even when we ain't together anymore.. 

I still wish sometimes, everyday everything will be the way it was back then. 

We can still always see each other, that we can still go back to how things used to be and I won't deny the fact that right now I still hope for all this things. 

But I can't.. I can't do that anymore.

In the past I anticipated because there's still hope. 

Now, it's just waiting for that empty hope to make myself feel better, to remind myself to stop. 

You know I'm wiling to try, I do. 
You know I will give anything up for you. 
But I can't do it alone anymore. 

Memories that you will never forget.

Do you still remember? 
Those times whereby those songs you sing always mean something to me.
Those times whereby we're actually really happy together. 
Those times whereby a hug makes everything feels a little bit better. 
Each day as I recall many of our memories, there's no doubt I miss all of them. 
Be it good or bad, it will always be that part of me that I can never forget. 

I can't promise you, things will be different or it's never gonna be the same anymore. 
But who doesn't wanna be happy? 
I miss those times, I miss you. 
Perhaps being apart, makes us a better person. 
But if I have the chance to ever see you again, I promise you, I will be better. 
I won't be that person again. 

Back then.

If back then we tried,

Will we still be together right now? 

Will we be better? 

Happier perhaps? 

Will things be different?

Another day without you. 
Having to miss and to think about.